Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
