im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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