Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
