this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
