dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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