im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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