So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize