i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
These tits shall not be calmed
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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