It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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