Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize