and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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