my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
