Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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