from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
