brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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