Redeem this text for a blowjob
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Everyone says I win the strip club
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
So apparently I’m into choking now
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
