Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
