I want to stick my p in your. b.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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