he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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