I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
