I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
