you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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