do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
