I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
