based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
