i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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