You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
