Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
