Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
