Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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