I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
