Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
