I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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