my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
