Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize