hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Shame - the story of my life.
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