All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
