What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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