I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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