it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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