There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
