Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
