Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
