i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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