you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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