On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I wish you could order shots online.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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