hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
