So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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