you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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