Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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