I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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