i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize