i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
