I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
