just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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