Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
