Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
