Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize