I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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