What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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