I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Sorry about my life...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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