Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
