definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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