haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
