Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Randomize
