Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
