its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Randomize
