there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
