It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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