you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
