I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm gonna fight the coyote
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm both gender and math confused
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
