I'm so fucking centered right now
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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