i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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