True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The best revenge is premature balding
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
