It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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