both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
