How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
