Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
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