He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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