i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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