so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
