I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We are two peas in an std pod
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
