Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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