I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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