I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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