my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
cat food counts as protein by the way
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
