Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize