OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
