I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
