I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
