i just wanna soil my oats bro
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
