dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
