i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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