Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
pop tarts are not kleenex
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
