The maid of honor just puked.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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