why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
