i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
