I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
