He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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