There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
either way he was missing a nipple.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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