planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
