I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
