So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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