Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
