i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
