can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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