i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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