i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
