just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
