is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
