we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
