girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
