Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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