so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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